


In my Blood

by AnnieOlicity19



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2018-12-08 05:05:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11639505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieOlicity19/pseuds/AnnieOlicity19
Summary: I had broken her heart. I had broken mine too. I broke her trust.Now she hated me.But I still loved her. I never stopped loving her.She left, but I had her touch on my skin. I had her kiss on my lips.She was in my blood.She was mine.Second chances are notgiven to make things right.But are given to prove thatwe could be better evenafter we fall.





	1. Chapter 1

 

I was afraid of heights.

Yep. I was 24 years old on a plane, flying to Chicago from Boston and I was afraid of heights .

That's it, I said it.

Usually people with whom I worked though I wasn't afraid of anything because I was always confident in my skills and I never smiled (according to some voices around, not true by the way… I smiled...sometimes) but everyone has an Achilles heel. So right now, I was probably 10 or more km above the sky, and I was nervous. Super nervous, the kind of nervous that you want to throw up nervous  but when you have a big sleepy guy sitting next to you, you can't do even that.

“God help me,” I whispered to myself and my hand went automatically to my necklace, tightly to the heart that hangs in there. It was ironic that the only thing that could give me peace, it was the necklace that he gave me five years ago. At the beginning I had tried to get rid of it, God knows how many times, but it was like my soul had a special connection with it. A lot of nightmares had started, angst, it has been a difficult period. I closed my eyes slowly. That was on the past. Now I was a different person.

“In twenty minutes, we will land to O’Hare International Airport ladies and gentlemen, so wear the seatbelt…” the flight attendant kept saying.

I opened my eyes and looked through the window.

Here it was.

Chicago. My Chicago.

My home.

Five years that I hadn't been in here. Five years of fighting to become the woman that I was today.

But...was it still my home? Could I call home a place where my smile was robbed? Could I call home a place where my heart was broken into a thousand of pieces? A place where your cousin betrays and manipulates you?

A place where he...where he still lived…

Could you?

 

**_Five years ago_ **

“How do I look?” I asked for the hundredth time Juliana.  She raised her head from her book, “For the love of God Felicity, how many times do I have to tell you? You look amazing girl.”

“It's just I have a bad feeling...I don't know…” I said anxious.

“Don't be silly, Oliver loves you to death, nothing and nobody can change that”, Juliana said.

I smiled softly, “Thank you for always saying the right words to me, for being my friend”, I said to her and took the necklace from the box.

“That's why I am here”, she said winking, “And don't forget to put the necklace…”

“Never”, I replied immediately.

Oliver had given it to me when we got together, when he finally had admitted his feelings for me. I remembered his words like it was today…

 

“Felicity I can't… I can't do this anymore” he said passing his hand through his hair frustrated. My heart skipped a bit. I freaked out. We were in the hall, our classes had just finished.

“What, what do you mean? What are you talking about Oliver?”

He came close to me, grabbing my hands in his. I lowered my head slowly and saw our hands together. My heart started beating furious. They fit perfectly.

I and Oliver had grown up together. Well it has always been me and his six brothers but with Oliver it has always been more. More teasing, more tears, more secrets that we shared…

“Look at me”, he whispered, “Felicity, baby...” he removed one hand, bringing it to my cheek, caressing it with his thumb.

“Look at me”, he repeated more loudly.

I raised my head and my eyes met his.

I got lost in them...it was like I was looking at them for the first time and at the same time they had always been like this...full of love, care, anxiety...love.

They were full of love.

“I can't do this anymore Felicity. I can't look at you and don't want to hold you, to kiss you senseless...I have…” he stopped biting his bottom lip, “I have wanted you...no not wanted” he shook his head, “I have loved you all my life. I…” He broke the gaze just a few seconds and then continued again. “I can't think of spending a day without you next to me… and not just as friends. I want more, I want us. I think...I think I have loved you since 19 October 2001. Do you remember that day?” He asked.

How could I ever forget our first day we met each other? I nodded slowly because my breath was out of my lungs. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak too, and my voice got caught inside my throat.

“You were wearing a pink dress, you hair were braided in pigtails” he said smiling, “And the only thing that I thought was that you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.” I smiled to him too, my eyes getting more and glassier. “I still think the same”, he continued, “You are the one for me baby… only you.” He kept looking my eyes, like he was finding there the answer.”But if you…don't”, He took one step back, his hands leaving mine “if your feelings aren't the same...I need space Felicity…I...”

He couldn't finish because I threw myself into his arms. He started laughing, embracing me. “Is this a yes? You want to be my girlfriend?”

“I do, I do…”

 

“Oh, oh...I know that face.” Julianne’s voice broke my memories.

“What face?” I asked but I could feel my face getting red. I was caught again.

“The face, I am totally thinking about Oliver Queen face.” She said laughing.

“I don't have a face like that.”

“Yes you do. You have hearty eyes, hearty lips, flushed face…” she teased.

“Oh my god, you didn't just say that.” I took the pillow and threw it to her. “You little…”

“But you do have this face all the time.” Juliana said laughing.

“Well you can't blame me...can you?”

“Aha...I knew it.”

“What's happening here?” Isabel voice came from the door.

“And the fun is over.” Juliana said looking at me. She couldn't stand Isabel. If she talked two words to her it was because of me. Isabel was my cousin. She stayed at my house because her parents were traveling all the time. I knew that Isabel was a little envious and jealous of the things that the other had and she didn’t but still she was family. I hoped that she would change some day.

“I am going to the library” Juliana said taking the books from her bed, “Have fun love”, she said to me and left without talking to Isabel.

“Are you going out? Isabel asked, without looking at me.

“Yes, with Oliver. First I will go at my parent’s house and then I will meet with Oliver.” She nodded but looked like was thinking something.

“Are you ok?” I asked her.

“Yeah, yeah I am fine.” She said and then continued, “Look you know that I have liked Slade, and he liked you but...I need to tell him about my feelings.”

My angst started again just by mentioning at Slade’s name. We had known him last year when he came to our school. We had some classes together; him, me, Oliver and Isabel.

Oliver never liked him. According to Oliver something was off in his behavior. It wasn't just because Slade had asked me out and Oliver had been super jealous but it was mostly the way he talked or treated people.  I knew that Oliver had talked to him once telling to stay away from me. That was our first fight has started because I could take care of myself I don't needed Oliver to protect me all the time. Anyway after that day I never saw Slade around me. I knew that Isabel still kept meeting him.

“Are you sure Isabel, because you know he doesn't look…?”

“I am okay and you don't know him like I do. Now are you going to help me or not?”

“Yes, yes of course.” I said, not being sure. I walked slowly and set next to her.

“Okay, thanks” she said and tried to give me one of her smiles. “You are good with the words and….”

“Who me?” I interrupted her, “My specialty are computers, you know not talking’s.” I said laughing a little. “You know I bubble all the time.”

“I know but you are romantic and know things about love. Just pretend to be me, and I am Slade. What would you say to him?”

“God...You are talking seriously?”

“Yes please help me” she said and made the face that I couldn't deny anything.

“Ok. Ok. Now tell me for how long you have these feelings?” I asked.

“Mmm, some months.” she said thinking.

“Why you hadn't told me?”

“I wasn't sure ok, that's why I need your help now...so begin I don't have much time, we can talk later about this.”

“Fine. You can start like this, Slade...I know you for almost a year. We had been friends but along the way my feelings had changed toward you. I love you...or something like that you know???” I asked her because I wasn't sure. “Wait...Do you love him?”

“Yeah, yeah it's perfect” she said getting up and running toward the door.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“To find him, where else... See ya later.” She said shutting the door leaving me with the same bad feelings that I had since morning.

 

I was better after visiting my parents but everything changed after Oliver called me. His voice was strange, cold, distant. He had never talked to me like that...almost with hate.

I passed the park and went to the place where we usually met. I slowed my steps when I saw him with...with Isabel. A shiver passed through my body. What was she doing here? With him?

“What are you doing her…” I started to ask but my words got caught in my throat when Oliver turned his face toward me. I had never seen him like this. He was angry, furious. His eyebrows frowning and his eyes filled with rage and hurt.

“Is...is everything okay?” I asked again taking one step close to him.

“You tell me,” He shouted “Where were you?”

I jumped a little, surprised by his tone of voice. “With mum...I was...Baby what's wrong...” I lifted my hand to touch his but I stopped immediately after his next words.

“Liar.” he accused “You were with him weren't you?” I opened my eyes shocked. I did comprehend nothing.

“Him? Who are you talking about?”

“Slade” He responded with hatred voice. “Slade, who else? Or there are more?” It was like someone had slapped me in the face.

“What the hell are you talking about? Slade? Me? What...”

“I heard the recorder that Isabel made to you and him...no more lies.” he said putting it in my hand and pressing a button.

My voice filled the silence, only that I wasn't talking, it was recorded.

 

_“Slade...I know you for almost a year. We had been friends but along the way my feelings had changed toward you. I love you…”_

_And then to my surprise Slade’s voice responded “I love you too. I knew we were made for each other. I am glad you played that stupid Queen.”_

_“Something like that...you know?” Was my response._

 

I dropped the phone on the ground like it was contagious, like it was poison.

What the hell was happening? I had never in my life had this conversation with Slade. I would never play Oliver...I…

My eyes met Isabel’s one...and then I got it. God she had played me. She and Slade. She had pretended to need my help. I had said these words thinking that I was helping my cousin.

My cousin.

I moved my eyes to Oliver, and my heart broke a little. He believed her. He believed the tape.

“Oliver…” I started to speak but less I knew that this was just one part of Isabel plan, the worst was yet to come.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

“Felicity? Felicity come on, wake up.”

“Uff” I growled and put the pillow over my head. I knew it was Oliver before he even called my name. I heard him climbing at the tree as always during the weekends. He never used the door. Whenever I asked him why he did that, he just shrugged his shoulders saying it was easier that way.

“I need to sleep. Leave me alone.”

“Come on, beautiful, we need to go.”

I opened one eye and then the other. Beautiful? Did I hear him right? Oliver Queen was calling me beautiful? One big smile rose over my face.

I took the pillow off, and got up from the bed. I went to the window and opened it. Oliver was as always set down on the strong branch. He raised his head immediately after hearing the noise of the window opening.

“You think I am beautiful?” I asked him before I could stop myself. He smirked slowly, “I knew you were going to get up easily if I called you so.” he said laughing.

“Idiot,” I said rolling my eyes, “What do you want anyway? You know I usually stay late on Fridays so…”

“I know princess, but I am going to the lake with James, John and Roscoe, I thought you wanted to come.”

“I don't know.” I said and moved away from the window, “I am not in the right mood; somebody woke me up at...” I stopped and watched the clock, “Holly...it’s just 6 am you moron.” I yelled at him while he jumped inside my bedroom.

He was cleaning himself and raised his head looking at me. I remembered that I was wearing just a short night dress with a big bunny on it.

“What? I asked him, crossing the arms over my chest. He did the same as me, never breaking my gaze, “Nothing.” He said, staying quite a few seconds. “So...lake you want to come or not?”

“When are we going? Are there going to be just your brothers or any of their girlfriends too?”

“In twenty minutes. And yes their girlfriends too.” He replied.

“Twenty minutes? Are you serious?” I asked him and moved to my closet trying to find my swimsuit.

“You should have told me earlier; I only have one piece swimsuits and one other that covers...well nothing.”

“Oh, I have already seen you naked so it's not much…” He said and I heard the noise of my bed clicking.

My blood rose in my head and I am sure I looked red from my head to my toe. “You what?” I asked turning toward him, who was now led down in my bed.

“Well I have seen all your pictures naked.” he said, counting with fingers, “5 months old naked, 1 year old naked and 4 years old. So practically I have seen you and...You haven't changed a lot.” He said grinning at me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, clenching my fists. What did he just say? You haven't changed a lot...

And now I was furious. Simple as that. It usually took him more to get me angry but today he had broken the record. I looked at the clock instinctively, 6.09 pm. 9 minutes. 9 fucking minutes and I was blowing inside. But I said nothing. Nothing. I took the one swimsuit I had caught and went to the bathroom to change. I closed the door louder than usual and leaned forward to the door. I knew I didn't have big boobs but they were well...okay, I wore a 34B so I had boobs, right? And my ass was fine; I had a perfect ass if you ask me.

Plus I remembered that my menstruation were due to come so I would have extra boobs. I smiled to myself and opened my hand and... I almost died. I had taken the sexy bikini. The red ones. The ones that I had never worn but I had bought them just in case...

“Jesus” I shouted.

“You are okay in there?” Oliver asked.

“None of your business.” I replied.

“Sorry asking.”

Okay we can do this I said to myself and well...to my bikinis. I had two options, first one to wear it and the other one to go back to the room, take the other and...

“Screw this,” I whispered.

 I will wear the sexy one. I wanted to be exciting and bold. Maybe I even wanted to shock Oliver, prove him wrong.  
My decision was made.  
I put on the tiny scraps in record time and I wore a pair of denim shorts and a tank top to hide my audacity. I opened the door and went out.

“Ready” I said and went to gather a towel. Oliver was still lying down on my bed.

“Finally,” he said raising his head, staying on his elbows, “20 bucks that you have worn a one piece swimsuit.” He said while getting up, smirking.

“We will see it.” I said winking.

 

**_Oliver_ **

 

“Here is the happy couple.” I heard my brother Roscoe say grinding.

I have six brothers. James is the oldest then is Roscoe and John, who are twins, and then is me, Dylan, Luke and Ash. Big family and big troubles my grandmother used to say, but we will give our lives for one another and for Felicity too. She grew up with us, especially with me and she was part of our family.

“We are not a couple.” I and Felicity answered at the same time.

I was getting tired of my brothers teasing me about Felicity. We were just friends. End of the story, but they didn't seem to comprehend it.

 “Yeah, yeah whatever you guys say.” Was Roscoe’s answer, “Now let's go we are late.”

“Who is driving?” Felicity asked.

“Me of course,” John answered smirking and she rolled her eyes while saying, “God help us all.”

“Come on baby, better me than Oliver.” He said winking at her.

 

After one hour of driving we were at the lake. It was a secret place, we had discovered it years ago and we always went during the summer. At the beginning it was just me and my brothers than I invited Felicity so they thought to invite their girlfriends years later. Dylan and the others were at grandparent’s house, in San Francisco.

I loved this place. I loved the water. Swimming was a lot like flying, and I could move fast enough that it was damn near close to flying. My brothers and their girlfriends went immediately into the water, leaving me and Felicity near the shore.

Stepping to the side, I kicked off my sneakers and then reached down, unbuttoning my jeans. I didn’t need to look at Felicity to know she was watching. I could feel her gaze on me as I shed my jeans and then my shirt.  
And I knew she was really staring when the only article of clothing that remained were the swim trunks. Something was changing between us and I hadn't figured it out...yet.

“Are you coming in?” I asked turning toward her.  
She dragged the toe of her sneaker in the loose soil at the lake’s edge as she nibbled on her lower lip. Uncertainty bled out from her as her gaze met mine and then fleeted away. Cute. That was kind of cute.  
“You aren’t shy now, aren't you?” I teased at her.

Her mouth pinched, “I? Shy of you? Hahaha...Never Queen.” She said crossing her arms over her chest. Typical of Felicity.

“Then, what are you expecting? Or do you want me to come and get you?” I said smiling devilishly. “Because I totally would toss your ass into the lake and I would thoroughly enjoy myself.” I teased.  
She snapped into action, muttering under her breath as she reached down with a quick, jerky motion and grabbed the hem of her shirt. She yanked it off and then quickly pulled off her shorts. Then she straightened her hands on her hips. “Happy?”  
Holy shit.  
She was not wearing a one-piece, it was a two-piece red bikini, and yeah, holy shit. All I could do was staring. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this.  
Under the plain shorts and shapeless shirts….I wasn’t staring. I didn’t notice how the blood-red bathing suit stretched across her chest, reminding me of the top part of a heart. I didn’t notice how her body was reacting to the way I was staring at her, because neither of us was moving, and there was something tangible in that moment, like a physical caress. And I sure as hell didn’t count the inch and a half, maybe two inches of skin between her navel and the top of her bottoms.  
Aw hell.  
This is Felicity. This is Felicity. I kept reminding to myself.

But who was I kidding? I was totally checking her out.  
For someone who was so short, her legs appeared incredibly long, but that might’ve had something to do with the skimpy cut of her bottom, a cut that displayed the fullness of her hips and the surprising tininess of her waist. Muscles low in my stomach tightened as I dragged my gaze over her soft-looking stomach and then farther north. How that red top was staying on was beyond me, and I didn’t know if I should be grateful or disappointed by that.  
And fuck...My throat tightened. Other parts of me tightened.  
Shit.  
My smile slipped from my face. I turned my back to her and didn’t look back as I stepped to the very edge and then dived in, trying to scatter all my thoughts, washing them away as I swam underwater...I failed miserably.

I didn't know for how long I swam, but when I broke off the water the only sound I was hearing was Felicity laugh. I headed to look better what was happening and it was like something punched me to the stomach. Tommy had come and he was standing with Felicity, laughing at something...his arm around her shoulder. I tightened my fists, my jaw clenched.

“Hurt doesn’t it?” I heard Roscoe voice behind me.

“What?” I growled at him.

“Watching her...with others...laughing.”

“She is mine.” I said, surprising myself and him too.

 “Good.” Roscoe said patting me on shoulder, “You finally got it.”

 

**_Present time_ **

****

“I am going to Miami next week.” Dylan said.

“Dad won't be happy about it.” I said to him and sipped from my coffee. We were at our usually coffee near the company, drinking and eating some brioche for breakfast. Luke was late as always and the twins were in some kind of expedition. They had studied Biology, both of them. James was a lawyer and Ash was studying to become a doctor. Dylan was still trying to figure it out what to do with his life.

“Dad is never happy. I want to do what I want, not what dads wants.” He responded. “And I think I am in love.”

We all rolled our eyes, “You are always in love. Or think you are, till the moment she steals you.” James said.

“That's not true and better being in love like me that grumpy bastards like you two.” He pointed at me and James.

“Here I agree with them.”Ash said smiling. “I don't know what happened to you young men but you changed...a lot.”

“Nothing happened.” I said to them and looked James in the eyes. We were the only ones to know what had happened years ago.

“Bullshit” Dylan said, “I knew that your change has to do with Felicity,” He said to me, “And I will find out what happened to you too, big brother.” He said to James and ate one left piece of his brioche.

“Don't mention her.” I said serious.

“I will and it's not your business anymore isn't it?”

“Dylan…”

“Guys, please...” Ash intervened.

“Yeah, fine for now...I have to go anyway.” Dylan said. “See you tomorrow.” He said getting up, leaving a twenty on the table.

“I am leaving too, I have some early classes.” Ash said, “See you guys around.”

“See you.”

“We have to tell to them.” James finally broke the silence.

“No.”

“Oliver...”

“James...”

“They deserve to know the truth...they are your brothers.”

“Less they know better it is. You know that.” I said raising my eyebrow.

“You can’t protect her always.”

“I will try.” I replied immediately and in that moment my phone went off.

“Luke, what’s up? We are waiting for you.” I said.

“Oliver...” His voice was strange.

“Are you okay?” I asked and I got up. James did the same.

“I am fine...You have to come to the company. Felicity is here.”

I wasn’t sure I had heard well, “Say again.”

“Felicity is here.”


	3. Chapter 3

 

**_Present day_ **

 

Her laugh.

Her laugh was the first thing that I heard when I was in front of my dad's office. The sound of her voice penetrated every cell of my body...It was the same laugh that I had heard so many times, the laugh of my mornings, evenings ,nights... dreams, dreams of her. I had dreamt so many times about her, and when she was with me the pain stopped, or at least it once did.

When she first left I would describe my heartache as like an insatiable fire that burnt all the oxygen in my body leaving me listless and empty. But now it is more like a thin layer of ice, cooling my insides, a gentle reminder of the pain that came before and a warning not to stoke that fire again.

But she was here now, standing behind my dad's desk, her back in front of me. Her golden hair draped down softly curling along the ends.

I slowly shook my head and reminded myself to move, to let them know that I was here but I couldn't move. I couldn't and I didn't know why. Maybe I forgot how to, or my legs just stopped working. I think at some point I forgot how to breathe too, because suddenly I didn't need the air, at least till the moment she spoke, and something broke inside of me, again.

“Please don't tell anyone…” she said to my dad.

“Don't worry my dear.” My dad replied.

I passed my hand through my hair. God, how much I had missed her. I had missed her with a pain that had set in my guts like so much fire that had burnt me slow. Those flames had belonged in my heart, in my soul. And in this hurricane of my soul, amid the endless winds that screamed, I had made no move. I could only protect her, or me. I will choose her anytime, until there is no more of my mind or my body, whichever came first; that was my vow, my oath upon the song of the birds, the light that scattered on still water, and the sun that rose each new day.

I got lost in my thoughts because my dad was calling me, with a smile on his face, “Oliver, my son come...come inside.” He said to me.

I took one step inside and I saw how her back stiffened at hearing my name and I think for several minutes everything went off...nobody was speaking. We were just staying there...my dad looking at me and me looking at her. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wanted to see her face... But she wasn't moving and I didn't know what Felicity was going to say or do...

To my irony she chose exactly that moment turning around to face me…She wasn't smiling anymore, or laughing like minutes or seconds ago.   
When I met her gaze, I felt drawn into her eyes. The icy blueness generated a feeling like I was being pulled into a lake of frozen emotions. It was like all the myriad shades of blue swirled together to form a whirlpool of apprehension. I could tell by her body language that she wasn't happy to see me and those flickering azure orbs confirmed my thoughts.

It hurt me in my guts, because for the first time I saw something that I had never seen in her eyes before. Something I was sure I had put it there...hate.

Hate toward me.

 

**_Felicity_ **

The sky became dark and low with ominous black clouds and the wind picked up, howling, crying, warning, baying like a wolf into the night. The first crack of lightening rent the air and within seconds the rolling boom of the thunder reverberated overhead. Soon the rain fell, slow to start, splattering the sidewalks haphazardly. Then it fell as if from buckets, cascading like a waterfall from the heavens. It pounded on my shoulders as if it were demanding entrance, but I wasn't going to stop. Never.

He was going to listen to me. He had to trust me...How could he not? I would rather he had taken a knife to my skin that speak those words to me in the park. He had spoken to me as if I were a stranger when we had grown up together. He had looked into my eyes and said whatever will hurt the most and knowing me as he did that wasn't hard to come by.

I shook my head to ease the pain from my heart. I smiled to myself...

I had always loved the rain. Seeing it falling, or running under it... with Oliver...playing with Oliver, laughing with him, so many times that we had escaped from our houses, just to feel it under our skins.

Oliver , Oliver...always with him, always him.

I was hurt. I wasn't because Isabel fooled me or Slade or whoever...no. What hurt was the trust. He failed to trust me...I could still see his disbelieving look, hear his disbelieving words...But now this was going to end. I had hacked on Isabel's and Slade's phones and I had read all their sick messages. How they planned it. I had also the true record in my hands. Oliver was going to hear me now. They had mess with the wrong girl.

It didn’t take me long to arrive at his house. I was surprised when I heard a lot of noise. People laughing, girls laughing...I opened the door and the first thing I could smell was beer. Most of the people were making out in every possible corner. A shiver passed through me and I tightened the CD that I was holding in my hands. There was a party...tonight?

“O my god, you didn't see the rain?” Some girl talked to me. I didn’t care how I looked. I needed to find Oliver as soon as possible.

“Have you seen Oliver?” I asked her. She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her beer, a smirk all over her face.

“Everyone asking for him tonight...he is in the library.” She said and headed toward a guy, “You. Dance with me.” She said to him.

I took the stairs and run wildly to the place I knew by heart. I was about to open the door when I heard James voice.

“You are really doing this aren't you?” 

“Yes I am. I already told you a thousand times...just, just leave okay.” Oliver said. His voice sounded different, distant...cold.

“What about Felicity?” James suddenly asked and I stopped breathing.

There was a silence that for a moment I thought they had left...I approached to the door, my heart pounding like crazy and I slowly opened it. Oliver's words fall out of his mouth like vapour but land in my guts as shrapnel.

“She is nothing to me. She never was.” He said to James.

In that moment I felt my insides tear and the blood drain from my face. I would laugh but he looked deadly serious. His eyes were cold like I've never seen and his features immobile. He looked like someone about to vomit.

I placed one hand on the door to keep myself from falling because my legs were failing me. I closed my eyes. This couldn't be happening. He loves me; he has for so many years...this was a nightmare. Somebody please wake me up. And then she did...Isabel's voice woke me up.

“Oh baby…” she said to him, or to me or to James, I didn't fucking know.  I opened my eyes and saw that Oliver had turned toward me, his hands in his pockets. We locked our eyes, and I could see my pain mirrored in his dark eyes. And then she kissed him, in front of me...like I wasn’t even there.

 

I don't know how I went outside. How many hands tried to stop me, trying to calm me down. Except his. He didn't move. He said nothing. He didn’t stop her. He just stayed there and saw me leave.

How stupid I was. This was the thought that kept going on my mind.

Stupid. You fell in love with him and he betrayed you.

Stupid. He never loved you.

Stupid. How in hell you didn't realize?

Stupid. Stupid.

_She is nothing to me._

_She is nothing to me. She never was._

I stumbled over something and I fell on my knees, clenching my fists tightly, my nails digging into my palms.

Why? I screamed to nobody and to me. How did they ruin my life in one day? How did he?

_She is nothing to me._

_She is nothing to me._

I took my phone from my pocket and dialed dad's number. He answered in the second ring.

“Honey where are you? It's raining like crazy outside. Tell to Oliver if he doesn't bring you back immediately, I…”

“Dad.”

He must have noticed the pain in my voice because I heard him standing up from his couch.

“Felicity where are you?”

“Dad...I am fine. I am coming home.”

“Tell me where are you? I can come and get you.”

“No it's fine.” I cut him off. “Dad? Is the Boston offer still on?” I asked.

“Yes. Yes sweetheart. I need to talk to Mark and...”

“I want to leave tomorrow.” I said firmly.

There was a pause, “But Felicity we need more time…”

“Please dad.” I begged for the first time in my life. I wanted to leave immediately.

“Okay baby. Okay.” Silence, “Felicity?”

“Yes.” I knew what question was going to come. I knew the answer too.

“What about Oliver?” My dad asked.

 What about Oliver? I wanted to scream again.

I had given to him my life and I was never going to take it back. The word I had given to him was my bond not because I felt chained but because I had honored him and loved him more than everything that I was and he...I shook my head and answered, the same words...

“He is nothing to me.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

**_Lake - Part II_ **

“What are you doing here?”

“Hey, buddy what's up?” Tommy turned toward me, his hand still on Felicity shoulder.

“You didn't tell me you were going to come.” I said crossing my arms across my chest. Tommy raised one of his eyebrows.

“Well...is this one of those days when you are all grumpy and act like an assole?” He asked and I saw Felicity biting her bottom lip, trying to keep herself from laughing.

“No, this is one of those days when you need to answer the question and not replying with another one.”

“Wow wow…” He said raising his hands up, “You really are in one of those days.” He said winking at Felicity.

“Tommy…” I said sighing.

“Oliver…”

“Okay guys stop now. What's wrong with you?” Felicity asked pointing her finger to him and then to me.

“Nothing.” I said with clenched jaw, “It's nothing…”

“Tommy stay away, he got it.” Roscoe’s voice came from somewhere near me.

I rolled my eyes. Roscoe and Tommy together were like two kids at kindergarten.

“He did?” Tommy asked smiling to him.

“He did what?” Felicity said looking at the three of us. When no answer came, she continued, “Someone please explain to me. Now.”

“Nothing, I said nothing.” I replied looking first at my brother and then at Tommy.

“You keep saying nothing but this,” she said rolling her finger around us, “Doesn't look like nothing to me.”

“This is going to be fun.” Tommy said clasping his hands.

“Yep.” Roscoe said, taking a beer from the basket, “And it just the beginning.”

“Don't you have something else to do? Where is your girlfriend?” I asked to Roscoe.

“There she is.” He said looking behind my back, “James is coming too with his girlfriend.”

“Awesome.” I said and sat down around the fire where Felicity just sat with Tommy.

“Where went John?” I asked James when he came.

“Somewhere with Gina…” He said.

“So it's just us? Roscoe asked.

“It looks so to me, if you know how to do math.” I said joking, “But I am sure you don't.”

“My specialties are heart cases, if you know about it.” He said teasing me back.

“I…” I didn't finish because Felicity interrupted, “Who Oliver? Not his case at all. Oliver and love are too far away. Two different planets.” She said and I looked toward her.

“How can you be so sure?” I asked her, my gaze never leaving her face. She was watching something on her phone and raised her head, looking surprised.

“Well I thought…” She started lifting her glasses.

“You thought what?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“I have seen you...and…”

“And what?” I kept pushing her to continue.

“I didn't know that you had someone.” She said and her voice trailed slowly, like her words were unwilling to take flight.

“It is not like you know all my secretes.” I said and I hated myself the moment the words left my mouth. She was my best friend for God’s sake.

“Okay…” She said and there was some sadness in her eyes.

“Great, he ruined it again.” Tommy whispered, “I propose we play truth or dare. Who is with me?” He asked trying to change the mood.

“I love this game.” Tania, Roscoe’s girlfriend said.

“I too baby.” He replied and kissed her cheek.

“Okay, it seems we are all in.” James said. Let's start with….Oliver truth or dare brother?”

“Truth.”

“Okay. If you were trapped on an island for 3 days, whom of us would you take with you?”

 “Do I have to answer? Felicity of course.” I said and winked to her. She smiled softly and some of the heavy air between us shifted away. Thank you she mouthed to me.

“Why?” Tom suddenly asked, “Why Felicity and not me?”

“Are you jealous?”

“Yes.”

“Too bad buddy.”

“Assole.”

“I love you too.” I said laughing.

 “Okay, okay guys...” Roscoe said, “Tommy, truth or dare?

“Dare.”

“Nice choice. Call the 7th contact in your phone and sing to him or her for about 30 seconds Miley’s song Wrecking Ball.”

“Easiest dare ever.” Tommy said going through his contact list. “Shit.” He whispered and Roscoe started grinding.

“What's up buddy?” I asked.

“You knew it right?” He said to Roscoe.

“What?”

“That she was nr 7?” And by her, he meant the girl that he liked but she kept saying no to him.

“A dare is a dare.” Roscoe said shrugging his shoulders. Tommy narrowed his eyes and pressed call. After two rings Laurel answered “Hello?”

“I came in like a wrecking ball  
I never hit so hard in love  
All I wanted was to break your walls  
All you ever did was wreck me  
Yeah youuuu, you wreck me...”

“Tommy?”

“Hi baby. Do you like my serenade?” He asked laughing.

There was a silence at the other side and after she hung up.

“Idiot, see what you did.” Tommy said pointing his finger to Roscoe.

“I did nothing.” Roscoe said lifting his hands up.

“Yeah she will never talk to me again.”

“She will, don't cry.”

“You will pay.” He whispered and turned to Felicity, “Felicity truth or dare honey?”

“Truth.” She said.

“If you have to choose one of us here who would you...marry?” Tommy asked immediately. That assole.

Felicity started to laugh, “I can't marry any of you, you are like brothers to me.”

For a moment I thought someone punched me on the stomach because I am sure the air left my lungs. She...saw...me as a...brother?

“Now let's clarify.” Tommy said and looked as surprised as me. I looked around and my brothers were looking at me. Even Roscoe wasn't making any joke.

“I can't marry James or Roscoe. I grow up with them. They are like brothers and I as their sister, I am sure. Right guys?” She asked both of them, whom replied only by nodding. “And sorry Tommy but you are not my type. So nope. I am not going to marry any of you.” She said.

“What about Oliver?” Tommy asked smirking.

Felicity turned the head toward me. Her cheeks are suddenly kissed pink like a spring rose, the blooming color so cute against her freckled skin. She looks away and tries to find a distraction...

“What about Oliver?” She asks repeating the question.

My hands start to sweat. Great, I am nervous as shit. Thank God my mother isn't here because she is some kind of mind reader and knows when I cuss in my mind too.

“He is my friend...and...”

“Brother?” Tommy asked raising his eyebrow. I was going to kill him and his stupid questions one of these days.

“Well. Not brother, brother as James or Roscoe or John or…”

“Yes we know all Queens brothers baby, we were at Oliver…” Tommy interrupted her again.

“Well...Oliver has his life and his girls. I thought till today I was his girl, not girl, girl just his girl...oh god,” She said scratching her forehead and I was the luckiest bastard because I knew. I knew I wasn't like a brother to her when she started bubbling.

“But he has secrets as he said, and I know none of those.” She looked a little bit furious now.  “And I thought well...” Felicity looked up at me. Really looked up at me as if just noticing me for the first time. I noticed the way her eyebrows raised a centimeter or two, lined with something between worry and concern and her eyes, her eyes twinkled in amusement as if she knew something I didn’t. She got up almost immediately. “I am going to swim.” She said, “I am sorry. I can’t continue.” And she run away. “At least we know…” Tommy started to say but Tania cut him off. “Oh you shut up. This was your great plan to find out their feelings?”

“It worked?”

“No.” I and Tania answered at the same time and I got up too. “I am going to find her.” I said.

 

It didn't take too long. She was standing near the shore, her arms crossed over her chest.

She looked like an angel.  God what had I been looking all this time when she had been right in front of my eyes all the time? I went slowly near her and put my hands over her shoulders.

“Hey.” I whispered slowly.

Soft wisps of that pale honey hair swept past an ear and caressed the skin of her neck, jaw, cheeks and around her rather beautiful, deep eyes. Those cerulean-glass eyes rimmed with thick, long, dark lashes that brushed her cheeks every time she closed her eyes, seemed to bore into me every time I looked into them and nearly lost myself. Suffering, loneliness, longing, desire; her eyes held all those deep seated emotions and many more. Over the years, I had learned to read her through the emotions that danced like fire, licking at the walls of cerulean-glass. However, sometimes, like today, the fire dwindled down to smoldering ember and even I, who had gotten to know her, could not tell what emotions were soaring just beyond those walls.

“Hey...sorry about...whatever that was.” She said lowering her head.

“Felicity look at me.” I continued whispering and I didn’t know why. I didn’t care.

She raised her head and looked into my eyes.

“Do you want to know a secret?” I asked her.

She nodded slowly and then she gave me a smile that just seemed so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushed through me.

“You will always be my girl, Felicity”, I said caressing her cheek with my thumb.

“Promise me?” She asked, biting her bottom lip.

I stare at her lips and I want to feel them against mines one; I am hungry to taste them, taste her...but not today. Today isn’t that day. Soon I think. I hope.

I look up at her eyes again, and whisper, “Always.”

 

**_Present - Felicity_ **

****

“What are you doing here?” His voice, deep and husky with an edge of gravelly heat, skidded across my senses.

“Oliver. Good to see you too.” I said, wearing a fake smile. I had mastered my fake smile, right down to the wrinkles around my eyes. No one ever had questioned me except...

 “Son. Let's sit.” Robert said.

“I won't be staying long dad. I have some works to do.” He said and turned toward me.

“You shouldn't have come back.” He said. It was the way he said it as much as what he said. How he stood there without moving. Perfect posture and laser-like focus that stayed on my face, never wavering.

I grabbed the cup of coffee with both hands, “Too bad for you because I will be working here.” 

Oliver continued to stare. He didn’t move but his presence filled the space in front of me, “You what?” He finally asked, blinking.

“Son please let’s talk. I will explain to you everything.” Robert  insisted again.

Oliver moved slowly and the chair creaked as he sat. “I am waiting.” he said to his father.

“As you know someone is stealing from our company in months and our staff hasn't figured it out yet. I couldn't wait any more son, so I talked to Felicity over the phone, she tried from Boston but couldn’t do it from there. She needed to be here and fix the system. She is going to train our staff too. She is the best.

“She needs to leave.” He repeated.  
“Yeah, you said that already.” I replied rolling my eyes, “I am not.”  
His head tilted to the side as if he was examining me and for a second that harsh facade slipped. “What do you hope to accomplish here?”  
She held up her cup and shook it. “First of all I'm drinking coffee. And I will take care of the problem of course.”

His mouth twitched, “You should have told me about your idea dad, I could have found someone from Chicago.”

“I am the best.” I said my gaze never leaving his, because it was true.

He cleared his throat, “I am sure you are but you didn't have to take that entire road for this short time.”

“I didn't say how long I was going to stay.” I said raising my eyebrow.

“Well, since you are the best…” He said and leaned back in his chair, “I promise it won’t be that long.”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” He said.

“Don’t promise. I don’t believe in your promises.” I said and saw how my words cut into his skin because he winced. His cast his gaze onto the ground and his eyes darkened. He glanced back up at me. “I am...” He started to say, his voice sounding more pained than anything, but someone knocked at the door, “Mr. Queen, the car for Ms. Smoak is ready.” He said somehow saving us.

“Great. Felicity honey, we will see you on Monday.” Robert said and got up from his chair.

“Yes of course,” I said and left without turning my head back.

I needed to get out from that office.

Maybe I wasn’t as strong as I thought.

 

I kept walking; my clothes clung to my body, arms tightly wrapped around me. The hurt covers me like a cloak I never wanted, bonding to my skin when all I ever wanted was the sunshine.

I saw him.

I saw his eyes.

After five years I saw him. I did. And I saw pain. It had sat there, in his eyes trapped.

And suddenly the only thing I kept wondering was if I really knew what happened five years ago...

 

**_Oliver_ **

****

“Oliver. Are you okay?” My dad asked, his eyes showing the kind of gentle concern he always have. He laid his hand lightly on my shoulder.

“I will be dad. Don’t worry about me.” I said.

“Ironic.” He said and sat down again looking into my eyes.

“What?”

“You. Telling me not to worry about you, when I have to be the one to say those words to you.”

“You always took care of us dad. All of us. It’s our time now.” I said.

“Bullshit. You are a great son Oliver but now it is my turn.” He said and I felt the panic building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of my stomach.

“What are you talking about?”

“I know everything son. I know what you did five years ago to save me. I know.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry I haven't update for so long but I moved to a new country so I didn't have a lot of free time.  
> I will do my best to update more often.  
> xoxo

“The apartment looks nice.” Juliane said after sipping her coffee and looking around. I nodded smiling to her, and folding my last clothes. Jul was my only friend here in Chicago. After what had happened I kept everybody out of my life except her. Jul had warned me a lot of times about Isabel, but the stupid me hadn’t believed her. But that was in the past. Things were going to change now.

“I moved here one week ago after I came from Boston. I didn’t want to live at my parent’s house. I have a lot of old memories there…I just can’t face them... not for the moment at least.” I answered.

She turned toward me, “So how long are you going to stay?” Juliane asked changing the topic.

“I am here only for one week and you already want me gone?” I teased at her. She narrowed her eyes, sticking out her tongue, “I just asked because you didn’t even mentioned to me on the phone coming here, I found it out from James…”

I stopped folding, raising my glasses, “James? You talked with James? James Queen?”

During all the years of our friendship I'd never seen Jul blush, she was always stoic, in charge and to be honest, annoyingly self assured. So when I saw that pink in her cheeks I knew something serious was afoot.

“Jul tell me what’s going on?” I insisted.

“Okay, but before I start, I want you to know that I had always wanted to tell you but…any time that I mentioned one of the Queens you got…”

“I got angry. And you totally know why.” I said pointing my finger to her.

“I know, but maybe the things aren’t as we had thought.” She said lowering her voice.

“Juliane from all of the people that I know, you are the last... you can’t tell me this. You know perfectly what happened.”

“I know Felicity,” She said putting the cup on the table, coming near me, “But James has told me some details after I asked him so many times…and we both know that there are a lot of things that we haven’t figured out yet.”

“You think I came here for vacations Jul? This is the reason why I came. And I swear everybody who hurt me will pay.” I shouted, “But now my friend tells me that she is against me and…”

“I never said this Felicity. I never could.” She shouted too, “Don’t speak to me as I was a stranger…” She paused and sighed. Her cast her gaze onto the ground. She glanced back up at me. “James is not…he is not bad.” She said and her voice sounded more pained than anything.

I rubbed my forehead, “You are in love with him, aren’t you?” I asked.

“Yes.” She said nodding.

I sat down slowly, my eyes wild, opening and closing my mouth so many times... “I need some time to process all of this.” I finally said.

“Okay if you want me to leave…I…” She started saying, her voice trembling and I immediately stretched out my hand toward hers, regretting my words. She caught mine, whispering, “I am sorry.”

“You don’t have too, I am the one that…I am sorry, I got angry but it’s not your fault Jul. You have any right to be happy, and if it is with James I am happy too. I grow up with that asshole” I said smiling to her, “And he better make you happy.”

“Oh, he makes me Felicity.” She said and hugged me.

After one hour of conversation with Jul I almost knew everything about her relationship with James. Even some things that I didn’t need to know but Jul had always been like this…free spirit.

“I know he was there too.” She said staring at me. “The night you went to face Oliver, James was there with him.”

“Yes he was. But as I recall that night…James never…he didn’t want Oliver to hurt me. He was the only one who asked about my feelings. For God sake we grew up together, but it isn’t James fault or yours or anybodies. This is only between me and Oliver. And me and Isabel, of course. This is my war.”

Jul held my gaze, “You know what I don’t get in the middle of all this?” She said, “I have asked myself so many times and now I am glad that I can talk it with you,” Jul said and I just nodded waiting for her to continue, “The first night that James came to me he was a little bit drunk, and I was talking on the phone with you. He heard me when I hang out and asked me who I talked to, I answered Felicity and he went…I don’t know how to describe his face Felicity. I swear I had never seen James so so remorseful…and then he said “ _He never thought she was going to leave Chicago. And I asked him who? Oliver he said. That stupid son of the bitch…he said._ I didn’t know what to do Fel, and then he continued, _He went to the airport you know?_

_He went to the airport you know?_

“Wait, wait a second.” I said getting up from the couch. “Why? Why he went there?” I asked my fingers curled tightly around my tea cup.

“I don’t know much, Fel.”

“But James must have told you something…anything.”

“I have asked him so many times, but Oliver is his brother and…” One knock at the door interrupted us.

We turned our head toward the door at the same time,“Who knows you live here?” Jul asked worried.

“Must be the owner, Robert told me that his friend was going to pass by later to give me the spare keys.” I tried to calm her and went to the door. “Now is the later maybe…the time went flying…” I said and opened the door.

My heart leaped a little. “You?” I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

His eyes were as immobile as the rest of his face, as if he was absorbing the news too. He was frozen for maybe three whole seconds and his mouth gave a slight twitch.

“Felicity.”

“Oliver.”

“What a surprise.”

*****************************

**_Five years ago – Oliver_ **

The aching in my skull ebbs and flows like a cold tide, yet the pain is always there. I could hear my dad voice, calling me but I couldn’t answer to him. The nausea swirled unrestrained in my empty stomach. My head swam with half-formed regrets. My heart felt as if my blood had become tar as it struggled to keep a steady beat.

“Son? Oliver? Get up now. James, what have you done last night?”

“Dad I can’t…I had promised to Oliver, I can tell to no one, even to you. I am sorry.”

“Stupid kids. Don’t tell me that Felicity is leaving because of you?”

“Not me…Because of Oliver.”

I was hearing their conversation and but I couldn’t understand any word. I got up from the couch, rubbing my forehead, opening my eyes and trying to get used to the light.

“Finally the prince got up.” My dad said to me.

“Dad, please I have e terrible headache.”

“Only that you have? I thought I had raised you better Oliver.”

I drank the glass of water that my mum brought, looking with concern eyes. “What happened?” I asked looking at her and then my dad. James was there too. “James?”

“What happened? What happened?” He yelled at me, “You tell me what happened last night. Felicity left in Boston, you are here drunk and you ask me what happened?”

 _Felicity left in Boston_. _Felicity left in Boston. Felicity left in Boston._

And then all came... Everything. The party…The moment she left from here, her eyes, her tears…. Felicity, baby…Regret washed over me like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down my spine. How I longed to go back and take a different path, but now that was impossible…Or…

“No...no...no. She can’t leave, I have to talk…no she can’t leave from Chicago.” I shouted to no one but myself.

I passed my hand through my hair, “I need to see her, when is her flight?”

“Son…”

“Dad when is her flight?” I asked jaw clenched.

“You can’t reach her, it’s late.”

“I am going to the airport.” I said and run to the door. I heard some steps behind me. I knew who was.

“I am coming with you.” James said.

My heart twisted and sunk with nerves as I sat in the car. The white light enveloped me, coldly, as I shook. My breaths came in sharp pants and I tried to gain control, but nothing was working. It hurt. It hurt! I tried to breathe calmly, but every time I remembered…

“What are you going to say to her Oliver? You know you can do nothing after your agreement with Isab…

“Don’t, don’t fucking mention her.” I said.

“You know…”

“I know okay, I fucking know. I just need to see her.”

“Okay.” He replied.

“I need to see her…”

After twenty long minutes because of the traffic we arrived in the airport. I went down and ran inside, pushing the people…

“Sorry, I am sorry…”

_Where are you, my love?_

_Felicity…_

“Watch out.”

“Sorry, sorry…”

One hand stopped me, “Sir, sir you can’t pass here sir.” A lady with uniform said to me.

“Please, I need to see my girlfriend, and she is in that plane and…Please…”

“Where is she going?” She asked after seeing my face.

“Boston, she is flying to Boston. Thank you”

She sighted with sad eyes and I knew…I knew she was gone.

“No, don’t tell me…”

“I am sorry the plane rose five minutes ago. I am sorry.” She said, patting my shoulder and left.

I bite my tongue, trying to hold the tears that threatened to leave my eyes. And that's when I couldn’t hold them back. I could feel the warmth, sliding down my cheek, and rolling off my chin. Then another. I deserved everything, all the pain, all the pain that I caused to her.

_Forgive me._

I slowly dried my tears and turned my face to James. I knew I was a picture of grief, loss, devastation, only for five minutes and then I wore my mask. I would just wear it until everything was right again. James nodded, “Let’s go.” He said.

**_Present day-Oliver_ **

“What the hell?” Felicity asked her arms over her chest, her eyes firing cold ices but she still looked so beautiful.

“Believe me I am as surprised as you are. My dad fooled both of us.” I answered and she raised her eyebrows, not believing me. Of course.

“Okay, give me the keys and leave.” She said and stretched her hand to me.

“You aren’t going to invite me inside?”

“Oliver please spare us some time. I had a long day and I have a lot of things to do, I you aren’t in my list.”

“You weren’t in my list too, but you have to swallow me because we work together, and we are neighbors by the way.”

“We are what? I am going to talk with Robert…” Her face was red, and when I even set a finger on her shoulder…

“Don’t you dare touch me.”

“Hey…Look you were lost and I though…”

“Yes, you were worried. You are joking right?”

I took one step away from her, “You really hate me, don’t you?”

“Ha, funny you ask.” She said and I could feel her rage holding all the power of a wildfire. You could practically see the flames roaring in her eyes, ready to ignite anything that she came in contact with. In that case me.

“Years ago you said you loved me and I took you at your word. You said I was your soul mate and over the years you became part of the bedrock of my personality. Then one sunny day, under a cloudless sky, you broke me. It would have been kinder to kill me. The girl you met years ago, the one with the big eyes and the bigger heart is now consumed by a hatred she never knew could take root. But here it is. Here we are.  So you tell me Oliver what do you see? Do you see hate?”

I winced at her words and turned my head at the rain-washed window.

 “I see you.” I whispered, “I do. I see pain in those eyes. It has sat there for all these years, trapped in the confusion we all carry. I see love too, the love you would have given were it not for the scars. It's still there… and one day I will set you free.” I said and faced her, “There is so much of your life that is a hell for your soul, and you stay there from strength rather than weakness I know. And one day I'll find just the right way to bring you home.”

_My love._

Doubt suddenly shoots through her like a piercing arrow destroying resistance, but her shield is too strong. For now.

“Ironic, you know? One moment you want me to leave and now you want me…home.” She said, her anger still there but her trembling voice for just one second gave me hope.

“I am tired of running Felicity, from my past, from you…” I said shaking my head. She narrowed her eyes. I knew I had talked too much for one night.

“Take the keys. I will see you in the company.” I said and turned my back at her.

“Oliver, be ready…”

“I am.” I interrupted her understanding the meaning of her words.


End file.
